yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
