I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like abortions should bother me more
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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