Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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