so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
