she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
