Your mouth is God's brothel.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
MIDGETS
????
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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