Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
