Duck Duck Cougar?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
