did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
