i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
