So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
