You're my little dorito
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
