I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
