My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
