Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
