Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
