i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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