When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
