"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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