Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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