I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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