It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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