She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
