So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
