I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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