We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
