I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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