Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize