dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
