Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
