woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Randomize
