I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i think my cat just said my name.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
