He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
