Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Text me some of your sweat
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
