if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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