I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
