I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
