i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Blood and glitter go together right?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
