so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
