i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
