He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
