So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
