New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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