My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
