i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.