so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.