I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night