I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.