Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.