my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.