If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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