yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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