Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
