"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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