Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
