is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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