I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
