saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
