would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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