fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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