he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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