So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
