i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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