Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
