Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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