he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
pop tarts are not kleenex
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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