that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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