My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
