i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
