I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
