I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
