Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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