Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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