people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
