why didn't you poke me back
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm always down for nudity.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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